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THE LADY
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Monday, October 18, 2010
♥
THANK YOU, NAZ.
I'm really touched with what Nazirul has done for me.
He knows that i'm having difficulties in finding another job.
He's helped me to find some jobs throught the Net.
I've never had someone who's willing to help me this sincerely.
He knows that i'm interested in childcare, and he found some job vacancies in that line.
He's the one that never fails to encourage me, telling me not to give up.
I'm still standing, thanks to his moral support.
I don't even think that my family are that supportive.
I really need this job.
Hopefully, i'll get it. Insyallah.
I don't even mind travelling.
I'm used to it.
If i have no problem working at the most furthest place, which is at Pasir Ris, why should others care?
As long i earn money and my CPF is enough to keep the house going, that's enough.
No more comments.
I don't even care of what people wanna say.
I'm the one who's earning, not them.
Nazirul, i really appreciate of what you've done for me.
I thank you for this.
Dear Allah,at last you've sent someone good in my way.
I really thank you for that, Allah. (:
I was afraid of love. I thought love took time, like a fine wine aging in the cellar. I was wrong. Love is there from the moment you see that person, embrace it and let it grow. Follow your heart, not your mind.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
♥
NEXT UP!
Okayy, now my perfume is going to tamat riwayat soon.
Both Victoria Secret's perfumes aku habiskan.
Ini baru dipanggil "mandi minyak wangi".
Hahahaha.
Next up on my perfume list, Ferre Rose Princesse.
Thanks eh Farahneez for introducing the perfume to me.
Sekarang aku betul2 nak beli perfume tu.
Tapi tunggu laa gaji 2 bulan lagi baru boleh beli agaknya.
Mahal oi!
Sheesh.
Farhana sings: "I wanna be a billionaire so freaking bad, buy all of the things i've never had.."
La la la la la la...~
Friday, October 15, 2010
♥
THE LAST SAY.
I've made up my mind.
I thought about this thoroughly for one whole night, till i can't sleep.
I won't leave SMRT and this CSA job.
Instead, i'll get an office hour job, and then continue with the SMRT one.
Since i need a full-time one badly, i've to sacrifice.
It's not as if i'm not used to work 2 jobs.
I'm used to it already.
Sometimes i don't even know the meaning of tired.
Yes, that's it.
I don't want anyone to interfere about my decision.
I've been heeding to people's say all this while.
Now, it's my turn.
Don't disrupt my plan.
It's good enough i'm adding the income.
Whether i'm sick or tired, i'll take care of myself.
As long as everyone's happy, i'll do it.
Childcare centre is in my mind now.
As long it's 8am-5pm, i'll take it.
But no office job for me.
I'm try to avoid it.
Before i got in SMRT, my choice of job is Early Childhood base.
But parents say don't take it.
For goodness sake, let me do something which i like can?
I'm 20, not a 2 year old kid.
I don't give a damn what my cousins are working as and where.
It's their life and problem, not mine.
Now, the bottom line is, as long the income is going in and the house is still intact, don't say anything.
Coz i don't care about myself anymore.
I'll just go to work.
I'll be more happier.
Don't snatch it away from me.
Enough of problems in my head, which i feel like banging it at the wall everyday.
Let me have a peace of mind.
Period.
Okayy, i'm not in a good state now.
I'm tired, or should i say sick and tired of everything?
Dad, please. I know we gotta save the house.
But please, stop telling me the same thing everytime.
I'm a normal human being with brains and feelings too.
I'M SERIOUSLY STRESSED UP.
I've to think about the house, job, financial, my driving.
How can i possibly do that all at one time?
You keep pestering me to go for my driving, yes i'm doing that now.
Have you ever thought how stressed i was when i've to juggle between my final year projects for school and followed by TP 3 days later during early this year?
Nope. You didn't.
I kept quiet all the way, doing whatever i can to satisfy all of you.
But i failed in the end.
Maybe luck wasn't on my side the other time.
And now, all i ask for is just a lil' bit of happiness, but you wanna take it away from me.
Don't i deserve happiness?
That's the question in my head.
I'm having sleepless nights everyday.
My mind wasn't in peace.
All i think is just work, work and work.
But did you even appreciate me working, although it's just 4 hours?
I don't know.
Stop telling me about my cousins' salary.
They have a good life, but not me.
Only God knows what i've been through.
At least with that salary of mine, i can support for myself.
I thought it would be a less burden on you, but i was wrong.
I don't know what i should do now.
I need my best buddy. :(
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
♥
HOW LONG?
Each and every one of us will perish one day.
It's just the matter of time.
I'll always think, when will i be gone..
I don't know why, but i feel like going nuts slowly.
I'm not praying for that, but i can feel it.
I'm too stressed and depressed with my surroundings.
Never once i have a good sleep in my house, as there's always something in my mind.
Went to aunt's place after morning shift earlier on, and had some sleep there.
Surprisingly, within less than 10 minutes, i'm off to sleep.
But it's otherwise in my own home.
Why is that so?
Too much things running in my mind.
Yes, people see me carving a smile on my face everyday, but there's something behind it too.
From family, to house, to financial, to personal life.
My parents kept bugging me to find other job.
And i'm the only one who can save the house.
I get stressed everytime when this matter is brought up.
I don't know where to turn to, except praying to Allah.
Dear Allah, please forgive my sins that i've done all these while.
Please lighten my burden and my mind.
I don't know till when i can stand.
Coz seriously, i'm very tired. Too tired.
My brother has become my own enemy now.
No respect for me at all, and i'm blamed for everything which has happened.
I kept giving in, till i forgot about myself.
Who expects that things would turn out to be this bad?
Dear brother, i love you a lot.
But why do you always hurt me?
I can't show or explain how i feel now, but once i'm gone, i want him to read this.
Best friends, and SMRT friends have been there for me when i needed them.
To the 4 sisters: You girls have been giving me strength since during school days.
I treated the 4 of you like my own siblings. I've never regretted having best friends like you girls.
To Maroon 6 clan: You girls have been great friends for me and made my school days enjoyable although i was down with problems. Thank you so much girls. ITE days was the best afterall.
To SMRT friends like Herman, Diana, Kak Siti: I thank you all for always being there for me. Herman, thanks for the never ending encouraging words. You're the closest to me amongst the other 2.
I'll never ever throw you people out of my life. I promise.
To my dear Nazirul: Like what i've said, if happens that one day i'm no more by your side, your life has to go on.
You're such a nice and sweet guy.
I've never felt being loved so sincerely.
I thank Allah for giving you to me.
I don't even want you to regret having me in your life.
Coz this Farhana that you know isn't strong at all.
From my health, to everything.
Whatever it is, i want you people to know that Farhana sayang sangat dengan korang semua.
Tears are rolling down as i'm typing all these.
I'm really thankful to have you people in my life.
Allah is great.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
♥
AGAIN & AGAIN.
The hot topic is back.
Dad: So Farhana, have you decided to change job?
Me: No, i'll stay in SMRT.
Dad: Till when? Don't you love this house?
Me: Of course i love it. I'll get a full-time one in SMRT soon.
Dad: When? 1 year? 2 years? *sarcastic*
Me: Not to that extend. *keeps quiet after that*
Don't worry dad. I'll get the full-time one soon, and work till i die.
So that i can save the house, and satisfy everyone.
Coz seriously, i'm really sick and tired of hearing the same thing again and again.
There's no way i'll leave Pasir Ris station.
I love the people too much, that i hate leaving them.
I don't think i can get these kind of attention if i were to work somewhere else.
I think, Pasir Ris station is the only place where i can get my happiness.
I won't leave them.
I understand that i've save my house.
But please, i deserve happiness too.
There's too much stress at home, which i cannot cope with it anymore.
My heart always feels like going to work.
If there's 24 hours of work at Pasir Ris, i'll be more than happy to do it.
Dear Allah, i didn't mean to be rude to my parents, but only you understand me.
I thank you for giving me all the lovely people at Pasir Ris, and because of YOU too, i met Nazirul.
Alhamdulillah, i reach out my hands to you.
I only ask for 3 things dear Allah, full-time job in SMRT which is train officer, long-lasting relationship with Nazirul and happiness in my family.
I don't wanna cry anymore.
Please hear my prayers dear Allah. :(
Saturday, October 9, 2010
♥
CHANGED.
HEY EARTHLINGS.
I've given my blog a change of skin.
It seems a bit better now, compared to the previous one which was a bit dull like my life.
I've changed it to a skin which has vibrant colours, and i want my life to be as vibrant as those colours.
Now, i have my love with me.
I'm happy being with him, alhamdulillah.
Praises to Allah. (:
An outing with him tomorrow.
He's applied for leave.
Gonna catch Charlie St Cloud.
The movie looks pretty much exciting.
But hopefully, it will not let me down.
Haha.
Upcoming movie i wanna watch, it's a Hindi movie called "Hisss".
The movie's trailer really thrills me a lot.
Especially when there's snake.
Yikes!
I can't miss the movie.
I'm gonna watch it, once it's in theatres!
Naz, next movie, i wanna watch this please?
Hehehe.
Nasib baik dia ni tengok hindustan jugak.
Tapi tak addicted sangat mcm aku laa.
Hahaha.
Alright people.
It's 10.15pm.
Readers, it's time for you to be in bed.
Haha.
Goodnight earthlings. (:
Thursday, October 7, 2010
♥
SPEECHLESS.
I'm speechless over what i heard with my very own ears this morning.
The moment i wake up and heard a conversation, my tears started to roll down.
I don't know why, whenever my family talks negatively about me, i'll wake up from sleep at that point of time.
It seems like whatever i've done, is not being cared or appreciated at all.
So all these while, they have the thinking that i'm doing all this for myself, not for the family?
I HATE IT WHEN THEY THINK LIKE THAT.
Although i'm not healthy, at least i'm independent at some situations.
I don't shake legs at home.
I still go to work, although i'm sick.
However tired i am, i still took OT to earn extra income.
Coz i know that my pay's not that high.
Although my pay's like that, i'm VERY HAPPY working at Pasir Ris station.
What's the use of working and earning good pay, if your working environment sucks to the core?
I didn't even complain of my ez-link's got low value every now and then.
Yes, i used to, but that was in the beginning when i just started to work in SMRT.
But now, i'm used to it already.
It's already good enough that i'm not they type of daughter who roams outside every weekends, spends money unnecessarily or whatsoever.
I've been tolerating all the nonsense in the house, since last time.
But till when?
I too have feelings.
I have the right to cry too.
This is my main problem.
Which is bottling up everything by myself.
If i expose everything, i'm afraid that i'll be labelled as rude to my family.
I don't want that.
That's the reason i remain silent.
But if this happens repeatedly, i can go nuts.
In fact, it happens all the time.
I'm always in the wrong in their eyes, and i've to given in eventually.
What's this? Do you take me as a doll?
Oh yeah, the best part is, my parents are embarrassed of me working at the platform.
Which they thinks it's only for old people.
Well, if they're embarrassed, i'm not.
Rezeki halal kan?
I don't fancy working in office, i'm not interested in it.
I'm happy as i am now.
I'm looking forward for train officer position.
Dapat kerja full-time, biar semua orang puas hati.
Yelah, kerja train officer standard sikit kan?
Daripada kerja kat platform?
*sighs*
Biar aku kerja, sampai aku tutup mata.
Kalau semua dah settle, biar semua orang puas hati.
I don't even care about myself anymore.
Dear Allah, i need your guidance.
I really want that train officer position.
I really need my driving license this year.
Please give me your blessings dear Allah.
I need you.
Monday, October 4, 2010
♥
AND, FINALLY.
I've let go of the past, and thrown all the memories away.
We've gone to our separate ways, and i wish you the best.
Change your attitude boy.
Your relationship won't last if you carry on like this.
Aniway, pandai2 la kau jaga diri kau.
Finally, i've said yes to the person.
I'm officially Nazirul's.
4 October 2010.
A day to remember.
He's my present, and hopefully my future.
May Allah bless our relationship.
Amin. (:
Saturday, October 2, 2010
♥
YES OR NO?
He has finally confessed to me, now it's all up to me.
It's either a yes or no.
My colleague was the first person to be so excited.
Belum ada apa2, dah excited.
Hahaha.
Even my best buddy says i'm lucky if i have him.
I've told him that i need some time to think about this.
I ain't wanna rush, coz i don't bad things to happen again.
Well people, if i've made my decision, i'll update this platfrom of mine again yea.
(:
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